


How much do I matter??

by CourtNicxVoltronxYJ



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depressed Keith (Voltron), Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Adoptive Siblings, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) Whump, Sad Keith (Voltron), Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23875210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtNicxVoltronxYJ/pseuds/CourtNicxVoltronxYJ
Summary: Keith is feeling down and off due to his depression and he seeks out comfort from his adoptive mother but he doesn't get any and only gets so much more hurt in return.
Relationships: Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Shiro's Mother
Comments: 11
Kudos: 73





	How much do I matter??

**Author's Note:**

> *Sighs*  
> This is another vent fic, sorry not sorry.  
> So basically my life sucks, and now with me out of work due to the virus I have more free time to vent and write out my issues and problems instead of getting off of work and going straight to bed or crying myself to sleep every night.

Keith's eyes fluttered opened and his eyes just rested on the ceiling above his head. Everything felt heavy and distant. He hated this feeling. Keith rolled over onto his side to face the wall and closed his eyes. His mind questioning why the heck he was feeling this way, he hasn't felt this way in so long and then...it hit him. Yesterday.  
Yesterday he didn't take his antidepressants. 

"God damnit" thought Keith as he wanted to punch the wall, to punch himself for being so stupid. 

It made sense to skip due to the fact that he was running really low and he had no idea when the Pharmacy was going to be able to get back with him and fill his medicine. Plus yesterday he slept til 1 in the afternoon, so the day was already half over and it seemed stupid to waste some of his meds on half a day, so he skipped. But since he has been on his antidepressants for so long now, and they have been helping him out so well, he had forgotten how badly he felt off of them, how he hated it and how quickly it hit him. 

Keith sighed, for he really felt stupid and was really hating himself at this moment in time.  
He laid there, staring at the wall for some time, being mad at himself and getting lost in the way he felt. 

"The way he felt?" He thought.  
How could he really explain it. It was hard to, even for himself, he didn't really understand it all. His body and mind felt heavy, him as a whole was heavy. But at the same time distant, as if he wasn't truly connected with himself, separated from himself, his thoughts, his feelings and just his everything. A slowness and low washed over him, nothing felt or flowed the same. Even the world seemed dimmer, grey in a way. Like the rays of the sunshine lost their warmth, the love of something gone, disappeared...vanished.

Keith slowly rolled over and pushed himself to get out of his bed. He knew that if he didn't now that there was a strong possibility that his whole body would shut down and then he just couldn't get out. He grabbed his pills, shoved them into his pocket, along with phone and headed downstairs. 

"Food. Then pills" his mind told him as he walked down all 13 steps, counting each one slowly. As soon as he entered the room downstairs, he saw his adoptive mom, Shiro's mother June. She was sitting on the couch, watching TV in the quiet morning. A smile graced Keith's face and a small feeling, a warmth bubbled up within his chest. He pulled out his phone and set it down on the table then laid his pills on top of it and walked towards June. 

"Hi" she said to him.

"Hi." Keith said and then sat down beside her. He then laid his head down upon her shoulder and lend in to hug her.

"What are you doing?" she asked him.

Keith normally didn't go to her, or anyone for touch or anything really. He kept to himself because over time in his life he had learned that depending on others only leads to hurt for yourself. 

But today was weird. He was feeling this odd feeling, this low and off feeling that he hadn't felt in a long time and he as a whole was seeking and searching for some comfort and love and his adoptive mother just seemed like the perfect person at the moment to get some warmth and love from.

"Get off, don't squash me" she said and Keith smiled thinking she was just joking around with him.  
But after a minute, it turned out that she wasn't playing around with him. She moved to the point that it moved him from her shoulder and he looked over at her.

"Umm I'm going to go check on Shiro, see how he's doing this morning" she said and with that she got up and quickly left the room.  
Leaving Keith all alone.

Alone, cold and feeling empty.

"Shiro? Go check on Shiro? The one who was happy, the one who was super smart, the social butterfly. The perfect one?" thought Keith. He glanced to where his adoptive mother just walked off to. An icy coldness filled him up with a sadness he didn't know he had in him. 

Keith shook his head and slowly pushed himself up and went to get something to eat and take his pills as quickly as possible so he could disappear back into his bedroom because clearly he wasn't wanted down here.

Maybe he wasn't wanted at all?

He ate, took his pills and June came back just as he was finishing up. She smiled and for a moment, there was a flutter within Keith's chest thinking that she was smiling at him but she wasn't. She went to their dog.

"It's okay, I'm back. I didn't go far. Did you miss me?" she talked to the dog, petting him and kissing his head. 

Keith's eyes grew wide at the scene unfolding before his now growing wet eyes. 

He didn't matter.  
Shiro matter more, and of course he did. He was perfect. He was the golden child. There wasn't anything wrong with him. He wasn't a screw up or broken like Keith was. He didn't have depression that made him a lesser of a person.  
But now clearly their dog mattered more than he did too and probably ever will.

He probably would never truly matter. The voices telling him that he was nothing, worthless and unloved seemed so loud and truthful right now. The feelings of emptiness, lost and unworthy came flowing through him just as his tears flowed down his pale face. 

Keith made it to his bedroom quickly. Hide under his blankets and just closed his eyes and cried. 

He just wanted to disappear.  
Maybe if he was gone then all of what he was feeling would just be gone and he would finally feel what it would be like to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> So, literally I was up for about 10 minutes and crap happened and it made this fic happen.  
> I didn't take my antidepressants yesterday because I'm running out and there was an issue with my Pharmacy and they haven't been able to refill my prescription yet. So yesterday I woke up really late and I figured I could just save my pills. So when I got up today, whoa, I was (still am) feeling off and low. So I got myself up and went downstairs to grab something to eat before taking my pills. I saw my mom sitting in the living room and I went to sit beside her and laid on her. Since my depression, I've been pushing her away because she has been different towards me because of it, so I usually don't go to her in times like these, I keep to myself but today I felt like going to her for love and comfort. She asked me: what I was doing, to get off, to stop squashing her. Then she says she needs to check on my sister to see how she is doing this morning and walks away from me, leaving me all alone. Alone with myself. Just felt like she didn't care about me and she wanted to get away and go to the child she truly cares about.  
> So yeah....happy Monday to me.
> 
> :(


End file.
